We are constantly reminded about the value of time, but what about the importance of connection and good relationships? Imagine the difference it would make if we prioritise and invest our time into developing more meaningful social interactions to form deeper relationships.

Social Anxiety in Conversations

Have you ever felt anxious during small talk or wished you had more time for one-on-one conversations? 

As social beings, we are wired to connect with others, and meaningful social interactions are essential for developing and nurturing deeper relationships. Small talk is an important part of breaking the ice, but it can often feel shallow and unfulfilling.

Let's explore how making time for meaningful social interactions can help to develop and nurture more profound connections.

Breaking the Ice, aka Small Talk

"Breaking the Ice" is an expression that implies seafarers' old practice of breaking an old tradition of breaking the ice to allow ships and boats to pass freely. 

In social events, breaking the ice marks an attempt to make people feel comfortable enough to socialise and connect and is one of the functions of the dreaded “small talk”.

When I first meet new people, I will unlikely say something significant immediately. But as time progresses and I become more comfortable, I find it easier to tap into my inner self and say something because I want to say it, not just because I think I should. 

For me, this is when the ice is broken, and the ship that carries what I want to express can pass through so I can make social interaction meaningful.

I often experience these pressures when I'm at the gym.

Before, during, and after the class, there are moments during the activity when I wonder, "What possible conversation can we have?"

There’s time pressure for conversations to fit into the 30-second or one-minute pauses because that is all we have. Hence, when somebody asks you how you are, the standard answer is a short "I'm fine", "Great" or "Good," but nothing further.

I get into a lot of social interactions with short time frames, and these time frames become limitations. There is so much I could share with the person talking to me and form a relationship with them, but time and the feeling of needing to answer immediately holds me back.

It feels as if I’m in a game show and that there is a time limit. However, to make people want to open up and for us to get to know them, it is significant that they must become comfortable in the conversation first.

The Need for Meaningful Connections

Neuroscience alludes that we are neurologically wired to connect with others because our interactions with other people stimulate our neurons. Hence, we naturally want to experience these interactions on a deeper, more meaningful level. 

Small talk is a great place to start, but it has pitfalls because it needs to stimulate those neurons faster, which causes us to feel bored, scattered, or tired of the conversation. 

Finding something interesting and meaningful to talk about and some common ground pulls the conversations away from small talk and gets people comfortable enough to form a connection. 

A great example of this is with children.

When children first enter a room with people they meet for the first time, they tend to hide behind their parents in the first few minutes and shy away from the interaction. 

However, they interact and become more comfortable once their interest is piqued. And once they feel more comfortable, you can see them open up and play around as if they have known them for a long time.

The Value of One-on-One Interactions 

The value of prolonged one-on-one interactions is easily overlooked in a society focused on busyness, time, and the need for more. However, one-on-one interactions provide time for people to explore each other's interests and get to know each other. 

Time limits imposed by small talk tend to give me feelings of anxiety.

I want to connect with people, but I get held back by anxious thoughts as I talk while keeping the time limit in mind. These anxious thoughts bring me back to thinking, "What possible conversation can we have?"

Once, I went on a tour overseas and spent two weeks with the same large group. There were about 50 people in our group, but because we had enough time for one-on-one interactions, we formed fantastic relationships over the two weeks. The relationships we formed with each other helped us stay connected as friends.

A regular interaction can only transcend into a meaningful one when it takes off to a genuine level of communication. 

We are constantly reminded about the value of time, but what about the importance of connection and good relationships?

Imagine the difference it would make by prioritising and investing our time into more meaningful social interactions to form deeper relationships.